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 <description>The young, proud Stepan Kasatsky has a seemingly bright future ahead of him: he has
 risen to a high rank in the Russian army, and he will soon marry the beautiful Countess
 Mary Korotkova. When Stepan discovers his fiancée’s infidelity—with Czar Nicholas I,
 no less—he experiences such heartbreak and humiliation that he flees, later dedicating
 himself to the Russian Orthodox Church. He takes the name “Father Sergius.” Although
 he becomes a celebrated churchman, he continues to struggle with pride and lust. Written
 during Tolstoy’s later, post-conversion years, Father Sergius shares the characteristic
 messages of humility, abstinence, self-denial, and total faith in God. In 1917, Yakov
 Protazanov, one of the founding fathers of Russian cinema, directed a film inspired by the
 novella.

 <br /><br />Kathleen O’Bannon<br />CCEL Staff
 </description>
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  <DC>
    <DC.Title>Father Sergius</DC.Title>
    <DC.Creator sub="Author" scheme="short-form">Lev Nikolayevich Tolstoy</DC.Creator>
    <DC.Creator sub="Author" scheme="file-as">Tolstoy, Leo Nikolayevich (1828-1910)</DC.Creator>
    <DC.Publisher>Grand Rapids, MI: Christian Classics Ethereal Library</DC.Publisher>
    <DC.Subject scheme="LCCN">PG3366 </DC.Subject>
    <DC.Subject scheme="lcsh1">Slavic</DC.Subject>
    <DC.Subject scheme="lcsh2">Russian. White Russian. Ukrainian</DC.Subject>
    <DC.Subject scheme="ccel">All; Fiction;</DC.Subject>
    <DC.Date sub="Created">2000-07-08</DC.Date>
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    <div1 title="Title Page" progress="0.48%" id="i" prev="toc" next="ii">
<h2 id="i-p0.1">Father Sergius</h2>

<h3 id="i-p0.2">by Lev Nikolayevich Tolstoy</h3>

<div style="text-align:center; margin-top:24pt; line-height:200%" id="i-p0.3">
<p id="i-p1">Published in 1898</p>

<p id="i-p2">Translated by Louise and Aylmer Maude</p>

<p id="i-p3">Distributed by The Tolstoy Library</p>
<p id="i-p4">http://home.aol.com/Tolstoy28</p>
<p id="i-p5">e-mail: Tolstoy28@aol.com</p>
</div>
</div1>

    <div1 title="Chapter I." progress="0.67%" id="ii" prev="i" next="iii">

<h2 id="ii-p0.1">I</h2>

<p class="normal" id="ii-p1">In Petersburg in the 1840s a surprising event 
 
occurred. An officer of the Cuirassier Life Guards, a 
 
handsome prince who everyone predicted would become aide-de-camp to the Emperor Nicholas I and have a brilliant 
 
career, left the service, broke off his engagement to a 
 
beautiful maid of honour, a favourite of the Empress’s, 
 
gave his small estate to his sister, and retired to a 
 
monastery to become a monk.</p>

<p class="normal" id="ii-p2">This event appeared extraordinary and inexplicable 
 
to those who did not know his inner motives, but for 
 
Prince Stepan Kasatsky himself it all occurred so 
 
naturally that he could not imagine how he could have 
 
acted otherwise.  
 
</p>

<p class="normal" id="ii-p3">His father, a retired colonel of the Guards, had 
 
died when Stepan was twelve, and sorry as his mother was 
 
to part from her son, she entered him at the Military 
 
College as her deceased husband had intended. 
 
</p>

<p class="normal" id="ii-p4">The widow herself, with her daughter Varvara, moved 
 
to Petersburg to be near her son and have him with her 
 
for the holidays. 
 
</p>

<p class="normal" id="ii-p5">The boy was distinguished both by his brilliant 
 
ability and by his immense self-esteem. He was first 
 
both in his studies — especially in mathematics, of 
 
which he was particularly fond — and also in drill and 
 
in riding. Thought of more than average height, he was 
 
handsome and agile, and he would have been an altogether 
 
exemplary cadet had it not been for his quick temper. He 
 
was remarkably truthful, and neither dissipated nor 
 
addicted to drink. The only faults that marred his 
 
conduct were fits of fury to which he was subject and 
 
during which he lost control of himself and became like 
 
a wild animal. He once nearly threw out of the window 
 
another cadet who had begun to tease him about his 
 
collection of minerals. On another occasion he came 
 
almost completely to grief by flinging a whole dish of 
 
cutlets at an officer who was acting as steward, 
 
attacking him and, it was said, striking him for having 
 
broken his word and told a barefaced lie. He would 
 
certainly have been reduced to the ranks had not the 
 
Director of the College hushed up the whole matter and 
 
dismissed the steward. 
 
</p>

<p class="normal" id="ii-p6">By the time he was eighteen he had finished his 
 
College course and received a commission as lieutenant in 
 
an aristocratic regiment of the Guards. 
 
</p>

<p class="normal" id="ii-p7">The Emperor Nicholas Pavlovich (Nicholas I) had 
 
noticed him while he was still at the College, and 
 
continued to take notice of him in the regiment, and it 
 
was on this account that people predicted for him an 
 
appointment as aide-de-camp to the Emperor. Kasatsky 
 
himself strongly desired it, not from ambition only but 
 
chiefly because since his cadet days he had been 
 
passionately devoted to Nicholas Pavlovich. The Emperor 
 
had often visited the Military College and every time 
 
Kasatsky saw that tall erect figure, with breast expanded 
 
in its military overcoat, entering with brisk step, saw 
 
the cropped side-whiskers, the moustache, the aquiline 
 
nose, and heard the sonorous voice exchanging greetings 
 
with the cadets, he was seized by the same rapture that 
 
he experienced later on when he met the woman he loved.  
 
Indeed, his passionate adoration of the Emperor was even 
 
stronger: he wished to sacrifice something — 
 
everything, even himself — to prove his complete 
 
devotion. And the Emperor Nicholas was conscious of 
 
evoking this rapture and deliberately aroused it. He 
 
played with the cadets, surrounded himself with them, 
 
treating them sometimes with childish simplicity, 
 
sometimes as a friend, and then again with majestic 
 
solemnity. After that affair with the officer, Nicholas 
 
Pavlovich said nothing to Kasatsky, but when the latter 
 
approached he waved him away theatrically, frowned, shook 
 
his finger, and afterwards when leaving said: “Remember 
 
that I know everything. There are some things I would 
 
rather not know, but they remain here,” and he pointed to 
 
his heart.</p>

<p class="normal" id="ii-p8">When on leaving college the cadets were received by 
 
the Emperor, he did not again refer to Kasatsky’s 
 
offence, but told them all, as was his custom that they 
 
should serve him and the fatherland loyally, that he 
 
would always be their best friend, and that when 
 
necessary they might approach him direct. All the cadets 
 
were as usual greatly moved, and Kasatsky even shed 
 
tears, remembering the past, and vowed that he would 
 
serve his beloved Tsar with all his soul. 
 
When Kasatsky took up his commission his mother 
 
moved with her daughter first to Moscow then to their 
 
country estate. Kasatsky gave half his property to his 
 
sister and kept only enough to maintain himself in the 
 
expensive regiment he had joined.</p>

<p class="normal" id="ii-p9">To all appearance he was just an ordinary, brilliant 
 
young officer of the Guards making a career for himself; 
 
but intense and complex strivings went on within him.  
 
From early childhood his efforts had seemed to be very 
 
varied, but essentially they were all one and the same.  
 
He tried in everything he took up to attain such success 
 
and perfection as would evoke praise and surprise.  
 
Whether it was his studies or his military exercises, he 
 
took them up and worked at them till he was praised and 
 
held up as an example to others. Mastering one subject 
 
he took up another, and obtained first place in his 
 
studies. For example, while still at College he noticed 
 
in himself an awkwardness in French conversation, and 
 
contrived to master French till he spoke it as well as 
 
Russian, and then he took up chess and became an 
 
excellent player.</p>
 
<p class="normal" id="ii-p10">Apart from his main vocation, which was the service 
 
of his Tsar and the fatherland, he always set himself 
 
some particular aim, and however unimportant it was, 
 
devoted himself completely to it and lived for it until 
 
it was accomplished. 
 
And as soon as it was attained another aim would 
 
immediately present itself, replacing its predecessor.  
 
this passion for distinguishing himself, or for 
 
accomplishing something in order to distinguish himself, 
 
filled his life. On taking up his commission he set 
 
himself to acquire the utmost perfection in knowledge of 
 
the service, and very soon became a model officer, though 
 
still with the same fault of ungovernable irascibility, 
 
which here in the service again led him to commit actions 
 
inimical to his success. Then he took to reading, having 
 
once in conversation in society felt himself deficient in 
 
general education — and again achieved his purpose.  
 
Then, wishing to secure a brilliant position in high 
 
society, he learnt to dance excellently and very soon was 
 
invited to all the balls in the best circles, and to some 
 
of their evening gatherings. But this did not satisfy 
 
him: he was accustomed to being first, and in this 
 
society was far from being so.</p>
 
<p class="normal" id="ii-p11">The highest society then consisted, and I think 
 
always and everywhere does consist, of four sorts of 
 
people: rich people who are received at Court, people 
 
not wealthy but born and brought up in Court circles, 
 
rich people who ingratiate themselves into the Court set, 
 
and people neither rich nor belonging to the Court but 
 
who ingratiate themselves into the first and second sets.</p>
 
<p class="normal" id="ii-p12">Kasatsky did not belong to the first two sets, but 
 
was readily welcomed in the others. On entering society 
 
he determined to have relations with some society lady, 
 
and to his own surprise quickly accomplished this 
 
purpose. He soon realized, however, that the circles in 
 
which he moved were not the highest, and that though he 
 
was received in the highest spheres he did not belong to 
 
them. They were polite to him, but showed by their whole 
 
manner that they had their own set and that he was not of 
 
it. And Kasatsky wished to belong to that inner circle.  
 
To attain that end it would be necessary to be an aide-de-camp to the Emperor — which he expected to become — 
 
or to marry into that exclusive set, which he resolved to 
 
do. And his choice fell on a beauty belonging to the 
 
Court, who not merely belonged to the circle into which 
 
he wished to be accepted, but whose friendship was 
 
coveted by the very highest people and those most firmly 
 
established in that highest circle. this was Countess Korotkova. Kasatsky began to pay court to her, and not 
 
merely for the sake of his career. She was extremely 
 
attractive and he soon fell in love with her. At first 
 
she was noticeably cool towards him, but then suddenly 
 
changed and became gracious, and her mother gave him 
 
pressing invitations to visit them. Kasatsky proposed 
 
and was accepted. He was surprised at the facility with 
 
which he attained such happiness. But though he noticed 
 
something strange and unusual in the behaviour towards 
 
him of both mother and daughter, he was blinded by being 
 
so deeply in love, and did not realize what almost the 
 
whole town knew — namely, that his fiancee had been the 
 
emperor Nicholas’s mistress the previous year.</p>
 
<p class="normal" id="ii-p13">Two weeks before the day arranged for the wedding, 
 
Kasatsky was at Tsarskoe Selo at his fiancee’s country 
 
place. It was a hot day in May. He and his betrothed 
 
had walked about the garden and were sitting on a bench 
 
in a shady linden alley. Mary’s white muslin dress 
 
suited her particularly well, and she seemed the 
 
personification of innocence and love as she sat, now 
 
bending her head, now gazing up at the very tall and 
 
handsome man who was speaking to her with particular 
 
tenderness and self-restraint, as if he feared by word or 
 
gesture to offend or sully her angelic purity.</p>

<p class="normal" id="ii-p14">Kasatsky belonged to those men of the eighteen-forties (they are now no longer to be found) who while 
 
deliberately and without any conscientious scruples 
 
condoning impurity in themselves, required ideal and 
 
angelic purity in their women, regarded all unmarried 
 
women of their circle as possessed of such purity, and 
 
treated them accordingly. There was much that was false 
 
and harmful in this outlook, as concerning the laxity the 
 
men permitted themselves, but in regard to the women that 
 
old-fashioned view (sharply differing from that held by 
 
young people today who see in every girl merely a female 
 
seeking a mate) was, I think, of value. The girl, 
 
perceiving such adoration, endeavoured with more or less 
 
success to be goddesses.</p>

<p class="normal" id="ii-p15">Such was the view Kasatsky held of women, and that 
 
was how he regarded his fiancee. He was particularly in 
 
love that day, but did not experience any sensual desire 
 
for her. On the contrary he regarded her with tender 
 
adoration as something unattainable.</p>

<p class="normal" id="ii-p16">He rose to his full height, standing before her with 
 
both hands on his sabre.</p>

<p class="normal" id="ii-p17">“I have only now realized what happiness a man can 
 
experience! And it is you, my darling, who have given me 
 
this happiness,” he said with a timid smile.</p>

<p class="normal" id="ii-p18">Endearments had not yet become usual between them, 
 
and feeling himself morally inferior he felt terrified at 
 
this stage to use them to such an angel.</p>

<p class="normal" id="ii-p19">“It is thanks to you that I have come to know 
 
myself. I have learnt that I am better than I thought.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="ii-p20">“I have known that for a long time. That is why I 
 
began to love you.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="ii-p21">Nightingales trilled near by and the fresh leafage 
 
rustled, moved by a passing breeze.</p>

<p class="normal" id="ii-p22">He took her hand and kissed it, and tears came into 
 
his eyes.</p>

<p class="normal" id="ii-p23">She understood that he was thanking her for having 
 
said she loved him. He silently took a few steps up and 
 
down, and then approacher her again and sat down.</p>

<p class="normal" id="ii-p24">“You know . . . I have to tell you . . . I was not 
 
disinterested when I began to make love to you. I wanted 
 
to get into society; but later . . . how unimportant that 
 
became in comparison with you — when I got to know you.  
 
You are not angry with me for that?”</p>

<p class="normal" id="ii-p25">She did not reply but merely touched his hand. He 
 
understood that this meant: “No, I am not angry.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="ii-p26">“You said . . . ” He hesitated. It seemed too bold to 
 
say. “You said that you began to love me. I believe it 
 
— but there is something that troubles you and checks 
 
your feeling. What is it?”</p>

<p class="normal" id="ii-p27">“Yes — now or never!” thought she. “He is bound to 
 
know of it anyway. But now he will not forsake me. Ah, 
 
if he should, it would be terrible!” And she threw a 
 
loving glance at his tall, noble, powerful figure. She 
 
loved him now more than she had loved the Tsar, and apart 
 
from the Imperial dignity would not have preferred the 
 
Emperor to him.</p>

<p class="normal" id="ii-p28">“Listen! I cannot deceive you. I have to tell you.  
 
You ask what it is? It is that I have loved before.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="ii-p29">She again laid her hand on his with an imploring 
 
gesture. He was silent.</p>

<p class="normal" id="ii-p30">“You want to know who it was? It was — the 
 
Emperor.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="ii-p31">“We all love him. I can imagine you, a schoolgirl 
 
at the Institute . . . ”</p>

<p class="normal" id="ii-p32">“No, it was later. I was infatuated, but it 
 
passed . . .  I must tell you . . . ”</p>

<p class="normal" id="ii-p33">“Well, what of it?”</p>

<p class="normal" id="ii-p34">“No, it was not simply — “ She covered her face 
 
with her hands.</p>

<p class="normal" id="ii-p35">“What? You gave yourself to him?”</p>

<p class="normal" id="ii-p36">She was silent.</p>

<p class="normal" id="ii-p37">“His mistress?”</p>

<p class="normal" id="ii-p38">She did not answer.</p>

<p class="normal" id="ii-p39">He sprang up and stood before her with trembling 
 
jaws, pale as death. He now remembered how the Emperor, 
 
meeting him on the Nevsky, had amiably congratulated him.</p>

<p class="normal" id="ii-p40">“O God, what have I done! Stiva!”</p>

<p class="normal" id="ii-p41">“Don’t touch me! Don’t touch me! Oh, how it 
 
pains!”</p>

<p class="normal" id="ii-p42">He turned away and went to the house. There he met 
 
her mother.</p>

<p class="normal" id="ii-p43">“What is the matter, Prince? I  . . .  “ She became 
 
silent on seeing his face. The blood had suddenly rushed 
 
to his head.</p>

<p class="normal" id="ii-p44">“You knew it, and used me to shield them! If you 
 
weren’t a woman . . . !” he cried, lifting his enormous fist, 
 
and turning aside he ran away.</p>

<p class="normal" id="ii-p45">Had his fiancee’s lover been a private person he 
 
would have killed him, but it was his beloved Tsar.</p>

<p class="normal" id="ii-p46">Next day he applied both for furlough and his 
 
discharge, and professing to be ill, so as to see no one, 
 
he went away to the country.</p>

<p class="normal" id="ii-p47">He spent the summer at his village arranging his 
 
affairs. When summer was over he did not return to 
 
Petersburg, but entered a monastery and there became a 
 
monk.</p>

<p class="normal" id="ii-p48">His mother wrote to try to dissuade him from this 
 
decisive step, but he replied that he felt God’s call 
 
which transcended all other considerations. Only his 
 
sister, who was as proud and ambitious as he, understood 
 
him.</p>

<p class="normal" id="ii-p49">She understood that he had become a monk in order to 
 
be above those who considered themselves his superior.  
 
And she understood him correctly. By becoming a monk he 
 
showed contempt for all that seemed most important to 
 
others and had seemed so to him while he was in the 
 
service, and he now ascended a height from which he could 
 
look down on those he had formerly envied . . . . But it was 
 
not this alone, as his sister Varvara supposed, that 
 
influenced him. There was also in him something else — 
 
a sincere religious feeling which Varvara did not know, 
 
which intertwined itself with the feeling of pride and 
 
the desire for pre-eminence, and guided him. His 
 
disillusionment with Mary, whom he had thought of angelic 
 
purity, and his sense of injury, were so strong that they 
 
brought him to despair, and the despair led him — to 
 
what? To God, to his childhood’s faith which had never 
 
been destroyed in him.</p>

</div1>

    <div1 title="Chapter II" progress="15.75%" id="iii" prev="ii" next="iv">
<h2 id="iii-p0.1">II</h2>

<p class="normal" id="iii-p1">Kasatsky entered the monastery on the feast of the 
 
Intercession of the Blessed Virgin. The Abbot of that 
 
monastery was a gentleman by birth, a learned writer and 
 
a ‘starets’, that is, he belonged to that succession of 
 
monks originating in Walachia who each choose a director 
 
and teacher whom they implicitly obey. This superior had 
 
been a disciple of the ‘starets’ Ambrose, who was a 
 
disciple of Makarius, who was a disciple of the ‘starets’ 
 
Leonid, who was a disciple of Paissy Velichkovsky.</p>

<p class="normal" id="iii-p2">To this Abbot Kasatsky submitted himself as to his 
 
chosen director. Here in the monastery, besides the 
 
feeling of ascendancy over others that such a life gave 
 
him, he felt much as he had done in the world: he found 
 
satisfaction in attaining the greatest possible 
 
perfection outwardly as well as inwardly. As in the 
 
regiment he had been not merely an irreproachable officer 
 
but had even exceeded his duties and widened the borders 
 
of perfection, so also as a monk he tried to be perfect, 
 
and was always industrious, abstemious, submissive, and 
 
meek, as well as pure both in deed and in thought, and 
 
obedient. This last quality in particular made life far 
 
easier for him. If many of the demands of life in the 
 
monastery, which was near the capital and much 
 
frequented, did not please him and were temptations to 
 
him, they were all nullified by obedience: “It is not 
 
for me to reason; my business is to do the task set me, 
 
whether it be standing beside the relics, singing in the 
 
choir, or making up accounts in the monastery guest-house.” All possibility of doubt about anything was 
 
silenced by obedience to the ‘starets’. Had it not been 
 
for this, he would have been oppressed by the length and 
 
monotony of the church services, the bustle of the many 
 
visitors, and the bad qualities of the other monks. As 
 
it was, he not only bore it all joyfully but found in it 
 
solace and support. “I don’t know why it is necessary to 
 
hear the same prayers several times a day, but I know 
 
that it is necessary; and knowing this I find joy in 
 
them.” His director told him that as material food is 
 
necessary for the maintenance of the life of the body, so 
 
spiritual food — the church prayers — is necessary for 
 
the maintenance of the spiritual life. He believed this, 
 
and though the church services, for which he had to get 
 
up early in the morning, were a difficulty, they 
 
certainly calmed him and gave him joy. this was the 
 
result of his consciousness of humility, and the 
 
certainty that whatever he had to do, being fixed by the 
 
‘starets’, was right.</p>

<p class="normal" id="iii-p3">The interest of his life consisted not only in an 
 
ever greater and greater subjugation of his will, but in 
 
the attainment of all the Christian virtues, which at 
 
first seemed to him easily attainable. He had given his 
 
whole estate to his sister and did not regret it, he had 
 
no personal claims, humility towards his inferiors was 
 
not merely easy for him but afforded him pleasure. Even 
 
victory over the sins of the flesh, greed and lust, was 
 
easily attained. His director had specially warned him 
 
against the latter sit, but Kasatsky felt free from it 
 
and was glad.</p>

<p class="normal" id="iii-p4">One thing only tormented him — the remembrance of 
 
his fiancee; and not merely the remembrance but the vivid 
 
image of what might have been. Involuntarily he recalled 
 
a lady he knew who had been a favourite of the Emperor’s, 
 
but had afterwards married and become an admirable wife 
 
and mother. The husband had a high position, influence 
 
and honour, and a good and penitent wife.</p>

<p class="normal" id="iii-p5">In his better hours Kasatsky was not disturbed by 
 
such thoughts, and when he recalled them at such times he 
 
was merely glad to feel that the temptation was past.  
 
But there were moments when all that made up his present 
 
life suddenly grew dim before him, moments when, if he 
 
did not cease to believe in the aims he had set himself, 
 
he ceased to see them and could evoke no confidence in 
 
them but was seized by a remembrance of, and — terrible 
 
to say — a regret for, the change of life he had made.</p>

<p class="normal" id="iii-p6">The only thing that saved him in that state of mind 
 
was obedience and work, and the fact that the whole day 
 
was occupied by prayer. He went through the usual forms 
 
of prayer, he bowed in prayer, he even prayed more than 
 
usual, but it was lip-service only and his soul was not 
 
in it. This condition would continue for a day, or 
 
sometimes for two days, and would then pass of itself.  
 
But those days were dreadful. Kasatsky felt that he was 
 
neither in his own hands nor in God’s, but was subject to 
 
something else. all he could do then was to obey the 
 
‘starets’, to restrain himself, to undertake nothing, and 
 
simply to wait. In general all this time he lived not by 
 
his own will but by that of the ‘starets’, and in this 
 
obedience he found a special tranquility.</p>

<p class="normal" id="iii-p7">So he lived in his first monastery for seven years.  
 
At the end of the third year he received the tonsure and 
 
was ordained to the priesthood by the name of Sergius.  
 
The profession was an important event in his inner life.  
 
He had previously experienced a great consolation and 
 
spiritual exaltation when receiving communion, and now 
 
when he himself officiated, the performance of the 
 
preparation filled him with ecstatic and deep emotion.  
 
But subsequently that feeling became more and more 
 
deadened, and once when he was officiating in a depressed 
 
state of mind he felt that the influence produced on him 
 
by the service would not endure. and it did in fact 
 
weaken till only the habit remained.</p>

<p class="normal" id="iii-p8">In general in the seventh year of his life in the 
 
monastery Sergius grew weary. He had learnt all there 
 
was to learn and had attained all there was to attain, 
 
there was nothing more to do and his spiritual drowsiness 
 
increased. During this time he heard of his mother’s 
 
death and his sister Varvara’s marriage, but both events 
 
were matters of indifference to him. His whole attention 
 
and his whole interest were concentrated on his inner 
 
life.</p>

<p class="normal" id="iii-p9">In the fourth year of his priesthood, during which 
 
the Bishop had been particularly kind to him, the 
 
‘starets’ told him that he ought not to decline it if he 
 
were offered an appointment to higher duties. Then 
 
monastic ambition, the very thing he had found so 
 
repulsive in other monks, arose within him. He was 
 
assigned to a monastery near the metropolis. He wished 
 
to refuse but the ‘starets’ ordered him to accept the 
 
appointment. He did so, and took leave of the ‘starets’ 
 
and moved to the other monastery.</p>

<p class="normal" id="iii-p10">The exchange into the metropolitan monastery was an 
 
important event in Sergius’s life. There he encountered 
 
many temptations, and his whole will-power was 
 
concentrated on meeting them.</p>

<p class="normal" id="iii-p11">In the first monastery, women had not been a 
 
temptation to him, but here that temptation arose with 
 
terrible strength and even took definite shape. There 
 
was a lady known for her frivolous behaviour who began to 
 
seek his favour. She talked to him and asked him to 
 
visit her. Sergius sternly declined, but was horrified 
 
by the definiteness of his desire. He was so alarmed 
 
that he wrote about it to the ‘starets’. And in 
 
addition, to keep himself in hand, he spoke to a young 
 
novice and, conquering his sense of shame, confessed his 
 
weakness to him, asking him to keep watch on him and not 
 
let him go anywhere except to service and to fulfil his 
 
duties.</p>

<p class="normal" id="iii-p12">Besides this, a great pitfall for Sergius lay in the 
 
fact of his extreme antipathy to his new Abbot, a cunning 
 
worldly man who was making a career for himself in the 
 
Church. Struggle with himself as he might, he could not 
 
master that feeling. He was submissive to the Abbot, but 
 
in the depths of his soul he never ceased to condemn him.  
 
and in the second year of his residence at the new 
 
monastery that ill-feeling broke out.</p>

<p class="normal" id="iii-p13">The Vigil service was being performed in the large 
 
church on the eve of the feast of the Intercession of the 
 
Blessed Virgin, and there were many visitors. The Abbot 
 
himself was conducting the service. Father Sergius was 
 
standing in his usual place and praying: that is, he was 
 
in that condition of struggle which always occupied him 
 
during the service, especially in the large church when 
 
he was not himself conducting the service. This conflict 
 
was occasioned by his irritation at the presence of fine 
 
folk, especially ladies. He tried not to see them or to 
 
notice all that went on: how a soldier conducted them, 
 
pushing the common people aside, how the ladies pointed 
 
out the monks to one another — especially himself and a 
 
monk noted for his good looks. He tried as it were to 
 
keep his mind in blinkers, to see nothing but the light 
 
of the candles on the altar-screen, the icons, and those 
 
conducting the service. he tried to hear nothing but the 
 
prayers that were being chanted or read, to feel nothing 
 
but self-oblivion in consciousness of the fulfillment of 
 
duty — a feeling he always experienced when hearing or 
 
reciting in advance the prayers he had so often heard.</p>

<p class="normal" id="iii-p14">So he stood, crossing and prostrating himself when 
 
necessary, and struggled with himself, now giving way to 
 
cold condemnation and now to a consciously evoked 
 
obliteration of thought and feeling. Then the sacristan, 
 
Father Nicodemus — also a great stumbling-block to 
 
Sergius who involuntarily reproached him for flattering 
 
and fawning on the Abbot — approached him and, bowing 
 
low, requested his presence behind the holy gates.  
 
Father Sergius straightened his mantle, put on his 
 
biretta, and went circumspectly through the crowd.</p>

<p class="normal" id="iii-p15">“Lise, regarde a droite, c’est lui!” he heard a 
 
woman’s voice say.</p>

<p class="normal" id="iii-p16">“Ou, ou? Il n’est pas tellement beau.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iii-p17">He knew that they were speaking of him. He heard 
 
them and, as always at moments of temptation, he repeated 
 
the words, “Lead us not into temptation”, and bowing his 
 
head and lowering his eyes went past the ambo and in by 
 
the north door, avoiding the canons in their cassocks who 
 
were just then passing the altar-screen. On entering the 
 
sanctuary he bowed, crossing himself as usual and bending 
 
double before the icons. Then, raising his head but 
 
without turning, he glanced out of the corner of his eye 
 
at the Abbot, whom he saw standing beside another 
 
glittering figure.</p>

<p class="normal" id="iii-p18">The Abbot was standing by the wall in his vestments.  
 
Having freed his short plump hands from beneath his 
 
chasuble he had folded them over his fat body and 
 
protruding stomach, and fingering the cords of his 
 
vestments was smilingly saying something to a military 
 
man in the uniform of a general of the Imperial suite, 
 
with its insignia and shoulder-knots which Father 
 
Sergius’s experienced eyes at once recognized. this 
 
general had been the commander of the regiment in which 
 
Sergius had served. He now evidently occupied an 
 
important position, and Father Sergius at once noticed 
 
that the Abbot was aware of this and that his red face 
 
and bald head beamed with satisfaction and pleasure.  
 
This vexed and disgusted Father Sergius, the more so when 
 
he heard that the Abbot had only sent for him to satisfy 
 
the general’s curiosity to see a man who had formerly 
 
served with him, as he expressed it.</p>

<p class="normal" id="iii-p19">“Very pleased to see you in your angelic guise,” 
 
said the general, holding out his hand. “I hope you have 
 
not forgotten an old comrade.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iii-p20">The whole thing — the Abbot’s red, smiling face 
 
amid its fringe of grey, the general’s words, his well-cared-for face with its self-satisfied smile and the 
 
smell of wine from his breath and of cigars from his 
 
whiskers — revolted Father Sergius. He bowed again to 
 
the Abbot and said:</p>

<p class="normal" id="iii-p21">“Your reverence deigned to send for me?” — and 
 
stopped, the whole expression of his face and eyes asking 
 
why.</p>

<p class="normal" id="iii-p22">“Yes, to meet the General,” replied the Abbot.</p>

<p class="normal" id="iii-p23">“Your reverence, I left the world to save myself 
 
from temptation,” said Father Sergius, turning pale and 
 
with quivering lips. “why do you expose me to it during 
 
prayers and in God’s house?”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iii-p24">“You may go! Go!” said the Abbot, flaring up and</p>

<p class="normal" id="iii-p25">frowning.</p>

<p class="normal" id="iii-p26">Next day Father Sergius asked pardon of the Abbot 
 
and of the brethren for his pride, but at the same time, 
 
after a night spent in prayer, he decided that he must 
 
leave this monastery, and he wrote to the ‘starets’ 
 
begging permission to return to him. He wrote that he 
 
felt his weakness and incapacity to struggle against 
 
temptation without his help, and penitently confessed his 
 
sin of pride. By return of post came a letter from the 
 
‘starets’, who wrote that Sergius’s pride was the cause 
 
of all that had happened. The old man pointed out that 
 
his fits of anger were due to the fact that in refusing 
 
all clerical honours he humiliated himself not for the 
 
sake of God but for the sake of his pride. “There now, 
 
am I not a splendid man not to want anything?” That was 
 
why he could not tolerate the Abbot’s action. “I have 
 
renounced everything for the glory of God, and here I am 
 
exhibited like a wild beast!” “Had you renounced vanity 
 
for God’s sake you would have borne it. Worldly pride is 
 
not yet dead in you. I have thought about you, Sergius 
 
my son, and prayed also, and this is what God has 
 
suggested to me. At the Tambov hermitage the anchorite 
 
Hilary, a man of saintly life, has died. He had lived 
 
there eighteen years. The Tambov Abbot is asking whether 
 
there is not a brother who would take his place. And 
 
here comes your letter. Got to Father Paissy of the 
 
Tambov Monastery. I will write to him about you, and you 
 
must ask for Hilary’s cell. Not that you can replace 
 
Hilary, but you need solitude to quell your pride. May 
 
God bless you!”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iii-p27">Sergius obeyed the ‘starets’, showed his letter to 
 
the Abbot, and having obtained his permission, gave up 
 
his cell, handed all his possessions over to the 
 
monastery, and set out for the Tambov hermitage.</p>

<p class="normal" id="iii-p28">There the Abbot, an excellent manager of merchant 
 
origin, received Sergius simply and quietly and placed 
 
him in Hilary’s cell, at first assigning to him a lay 
 
brother but after wards leaving him alone, at sergius’s 
 
own request. The cell was a dual cave, dug into the 
 
hillside, and in it Hilary had been buried. In the back 
 
part was Hilary’s grave, while in the front was a niche 
 
for sleeping, with a straw mattress, a small table, and 
 
a shelf with icons and books. Outside the outer door, 
 
which fastened with a hook, was another shelf on which, 
 
once a day, a monk placed food from the monastery.</p>

<p class="normal" id="iii-p29">And so Sergius became a hermit.</p>

</div1>

    <div1 title="Chapter III" progress="30.34%" id="iv" prev="iii" next="v">
<h2 id="iv-p0.1">III </h2>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p1">At Carnival time, in the sixth year of Sergius’s 
 
life at the hermitage, a merry company of rich people, 
 
men and women from a neighbouring town, made up a troyka-party, after a meal of carnival-pancakes and wine. The 
 
company consisted of two lawyers, a wealthy landowner, an 
 
officer, and four ladies. One lady was the officer’s 
 
wife, another the wife of the landowner, the third was 
 
his sister — a young girl — and the fourth a divorcee, 
 
beautiful, rich and eccentric, who amazed and shocked the 
 
town by her escapades.</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p2">The weather was excellent and the snow-covered road 
 
smooth as a floor. They drove some seven miles out of 
 
town, and then stopped and consulted as to whether they 
 
should turn back or drive farther.</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p3">“But where does this road lead to?” asked Makovkina, 
 
the beautiful divorcee.</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p4">“To Tambov, eight miles from here,” replied one of 
 
the lawyers, who was having a flirtation with her.</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p5">“And then where?”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p6">“Then on to L—, past the Monastery.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p7">“Where that Father Sergius lives?”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p8">“Yes.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p9">“Kasatsky, the handsome hermit?”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p10">“Yes.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p11">“Mesdames and messieurs, let us drive on and see 
 
Kasatsky! We can stop at Tambov and having something to 
 
eat.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p12">“But we shouldn’t get home tonight!”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p13">“Never mind, we will stay at Kasatsky’s.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p14">“Well, there is a very good hostelry at the 
 
Monastery. I stayed there when I was defending Makhin.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p15">“No, I shall spend the night at Kasatsky’s!”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p16">“Impossible! Even your omnipotence could not 
 
accomplish that!”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p17">“Impossible? Will you bet?”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p18">“All right! If you spend the night with him, the 
 
stake shall be whatever you like.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p19">“A discretion!”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p20">“But on your side too!”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p21">“Yes, of course. Let us drive on.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p22">Vodka was handed to the drivers, and the party got 
 
out a box of pies, wine, and sweets for themselves. The 
 
ladies wrapped up in their white dogskins. the drivers 
 
disputed as to whose troyka should go ahead, and the 
 
youngest, seating himself sideways with a dashing air, 
 
swung his long knout and shouted to the horses. The 
 
troyka-bells tinkled and the sledge-runners squeaked over 
 
the snow.</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p23">The sledges swayed hardly at all. The shaft-horse, 
 
with his tightly bound tail under his decorated 
 
breechband, galloped smoothly and briskly; the smooth 
 
road seemed to run rapidly backwards, while the driver 
 
dashingly shook the reins. One of the lawyers and the 
 
officer sitting opposite talked nonsense to Makovkina’s 
 
neighbour, but Makovkina herself sat motionless and in 
 
thought, tightly wrapped in her fur. “Always the same 
 
and always nasty! The same red shiny faces smelling of 
 
wine and cigars! The same talk, the same thoughts, and 
 
always about the same things! And they are all satisfied 
 
and confident that it should be so, and will go on living 
 
like that till they die. But I can’t. It bores me. I 
 
want something that would upset it all and turn it upside 
 
down. Suppose it happened to us as to those people — at 
 
Saratov was it? — who kept on driving and froze to death 
 
 . . . . What would our people do? How would they behave?  
 
Basely, for certain. Each for himself. And I too should 
 
act badly. But I at any rate have beauty. They all know 
 
it. And how about that monk? Is it possible that he has 
 
become indifferent to it? No! That is the one thing 
 
they all care for — like that cadet last autumn. What 
 
a fool he was!”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p24">“Ivan Nikolaevich!” she said aloud.</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p25">“What are your commands?”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p26">“How old is he?”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p27">“Who?”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p28">“Kasatsky.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p29">“Over forty, I should think.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p30">“And does he receive all visitors?”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p31">“Yes, everybody, but not always.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p32">“Cover up my feet. Not like that — how clumsy you 
 
are! No! More, more — like that! but you need not 
 
squeeze them!”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p33">So they came to the forest where the cell was.</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p34">Makovkina got out of the sledge, and told them to 
 
drive on. they tried to dissuade her, but she grew 
 
irritable and ordered them to go on.</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p35">When the sledges had gone she went up the path in 
 
her white dogskin coat. the lawyer got out and stopped 
 
to watch her.</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p36">It was Father Sergius’s sixth year as a recluse, and 
 
he was now forty-nine. His life in solitude was hard — 
 
not on account of the fasts and prayers (they were no 
 
hardship to him) but on account of an inner conflict he 
 
had not at all anticipated. The sources of that conflict 
 
were two: doubts, and the lust of the flesh. And these 
 
two enemies always appeared together. It seemed to him 
 
that they were two foes, but in reality they were one and 
 
the same. As soon as doubt was gone so was the lustful 
 
desire. But thinking them to be two different fiends he 
 
fought them separately.</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p37">“O my God, my god!” thought he. “why does thou not 
 
grant me faith? There is lust, of course: even the 
 
saints had to fight that — Saint Anthony and others.  
 
But they had faith, while I have moments, hours, and 
 
days, when it is absent. Why does the whole world, with 
 
all its delights, exist if it is sinful and must be 
 
renounced? Why has Thou created this temptation?  
 
Temptation? Is it not rather a temptation that I wish to 
 
abandon all the joys of earth and prepare something for 
 
myself there where perhaps there is nothing?” And he 
 
became horrified and filled with disgust at himself.  
 
“Vile creature! And it is you who wish to become a 
 
saint!” he upbraided himself, and he began to pray. But 
 
as soon as he started to pray he saw himself vividly as 
 
he had been at the Monastery, in a majestic post in 
 
biretta and mantle, and he shook his head. “No, that is 
 
not right. It is deception. I may deceive others, but 
 
not myself or God. I am not a majestic man, but a 
 
pitiable and ridiculous one!” And he threw back the 
 
folds of his cassock and smiled as he looked at his thin 
 
legs to their underclothing.</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p38">Then he dropped the folds of the cassock again and 
 
began reading the prayers, making the sign of the cross 
 
and prostrating himself. “Can it be that this couch will 
 
be my bier?” he read. And it seemed as if a devil 
 
whispered to him: “A solitary couch is itself a bier.  
 
Falsehood!” And in imagination he saw the shoulders of 
 
a widow with whom he had lived. He shook himself, and 
 
went on reading. Having read the precepts he took up the 
 
gospels, opened the book, and happened on a passage he 
 
often repeated by heart: “Lord, I believe. Help thou my 
 
unbelief!” — and he put away all the doubts that had 
 
arisen. As one replaces an object of insecure 
 
equilibrium, so he carefully replaced his belief on its 
 
shaky pedestal and carefully stepped back from it so as 
 
not to shake or upset it. The blinkers were adjusted 
 
again and he felt tranquillized, and repeating his 
 
childhood’s prayer: “Lord, receive me, receive me!” he 
 
felt not merely at ease, but thrilled and joyful. He 
 
crossed himself and lay down on the bedding on his narrow 
 
bench, tucking the summer cassock under his head. He 
 
fell asleep at once, and in his light slumber he seemed 
 
to hear the tinkling of sledge bells. He did not know 
 
whether he was dreaming or awake, but a knock at the door 
 
aroused him. He sat up, distrusting his senses, but the 
 
knock was repeated. Yes, it was a knock close at hand, 
 
at his door, and with it the sound of a woman’s voice.</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p39">“My god! Can it be true, as I have read in the 
 
*Lives of the Saints*, that the devil takes on the form 
 
of a woman? Yes — it is a woman’s voice. And a tender, 
 
timid, pleasant voice. Phui!” And he spat to exorcise 
 
the devil. “No, it was only my imagination,” he assured 
 
himself, and he went to the corner where his lectern 
 
stood, falling on his knees in the regular and habitual 
 
manner which of itself gave him consolation and 
 
satisfaction. He sank down, his hair hanging over his 
 
face, and pressed his head, already going bald in front, 
 
to the cold damp strip of drugget on the draughty floor.  
 
He read the psalm old Father Pimon had told him warded 
 
off temptation. He easily raised his light and emaciated 
 
body on his strong sinewy legs and tried to continue 
 
saying his prayers, but instead of doing so he 
 
involuntarily strained his hearing. He wished to hear 
 
more. All was quiet. From the corner of the roof 
 
regular drops continued to fall into the tub below.  
 
Outside was a mist and fog eating into the snow that lay 
 
on the ground. It was still, very still. And suddenly 
 
there was a rustling at the window and a voice — that 
 
same tender, timid voice, which could only belong to an 
 
attractive woman — said:</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p40">“Let me in, for Christ’s sake!”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p41">It seemed as though his blood had all rushed to his 
 
heart and settled there. He could hardly breathe. “Let 
 
God arise and let his enemies be scattered . . . ”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p42">“but I am not a devil!” It was obvious that the 
 
lips that uttered this were smiling. “I am not a devil, 
 
but only a sinful woman who has lost her way, not 
 
figuratively but literally!” She laughed. “I am frozen 
 
and beg for shelter.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p43">He pressed his face to the window, but the little 
 
icon-lamp was reflected by it and shone on the whole 
 
pane. He put his hands to both sides of his face and 
 
peered between them. Fog, mist, a tree, and — just 
 
opposite him — she herself. Yes, there, a few inches 
 
from him, was the sweet, kindly, frightened face of a 
 
woman in a cap and a coat of long white fur, leaning 
 
towards him. their eyes met with instant recognition:  
 
not that they had ever known one another, they had never 
 
met before, but by the look they exchanged they — and he 
 
particularly — felt that they knew and understood one 
 
another. After that glance to imagine her to be a devil 
 
and not a simple, kindly, sweet, timid woman, was 
 
impossible.</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p44">“Who are you? Why have you come?” he asked.</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p45">“Do please open the door!” she replied, with 
 
capricious authority. “I am frozen. I tell you I have 
 
lost my way.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p46">“But I am a monk — a hermit.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p47">“Oh, do please open the door — or do you wish me to 
 
freeze under your window while you say your prayers?”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p48">“But how have you . . . ”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p49">“I shan’t eat you. for God’s sake let me in! I am 
 
quite frozen.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p50">She really did feel afraid, and said this in an 
 
almost tearful voice.</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p51">He stepped back from the window and looked at an 
 
icon of the Saviour in His crown of thorns. “Lord, help 
 
me! Lord, help me!” he exclaimed, crossing himself and 
 
bowing low. Then he went to the door, and opening it 
 
into the tiny porch, felt for the hook that fastened the 
 
outer door and began to lift it. He heard steps outside.  
 
she was coming from the window to the door. “Ah!” she 
 
suddenly exclaimed, and he understood that she had 
 
stepped into the puddle that the dripping from the roof 
 
had formed at the threshhold. His hands trembled, and he 
 
could not raise the hook of the tightly closed door.</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p52">“Oh, what are you doing? Let me in! I am all wet.  
 
I am frozen! You are thinking about saving your soul and 
 
letting me freeze to death . . . ”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p53">He jerked the door towards him, raised the hook, and 
 
without considering what he was doing, pushed it open 
 
with such force that it struck her.</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p54">“Oh — PARDON!” he suddenly exclaimed, reverting 
 
completely to his old manner with ladies.</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p55">She smiled on hearing that *pardon*. “He is not 
 
quite so terrible, after all,” she thought. “It’s all 
 
right. It is you who must pardon me,” she said, stepping 
 
past him. “I should never have ventured, but such an 
 
extraordinary circumstance . . . ”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p56">“If you please!” he uttered, and stood aside to let 
 
her pass him. A strong smell of fine scent, which he had 
 
long not encountered, struck him. She went through the 
 
little porch into the cell where he lived. He closed the 
 
outer door without fastening the hook, and stepped in 
 
after her.</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p57">“Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a 
 
sinner! Lord, have mercy on me a sinner!” he prayed 
 
unceasingly, not merely to himself but involuntarily 
 
moving his lips. “If you please!” he said to her again.  
 
She stood in the middle of the room, moisture dripping 
 
from her to the floor as she looked him over. Her eyes 
 
were laughing.</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p58">“Forgive me for having disturbed your solitude. but 
 
you see what a position I am in. It all came about from 
 
our starting from town for a sledge-drive, and my making 
 
a bet that I would walk back by myself from the Vorobevka 
 
to the town. But then I lost my way, and if I had not 
 
happened to come upon your cell . . . ” she began lying, but 
 
his face confused her so that she could not continue, but 
 
became silent. she had not expected him to be at all 
 
such as he was. He was not as handsome as she had 
 
imagined, but was nevertheless beautiful in her eyes:  
 
his greyish hair and beard, slightly curling, his fine, 
 
regular nose, and his eyes like glowing coal when he 
 
looked at her, made a strong impression on her.</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p59">He saw that she was saying.</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p60">“Yes . . . so,” said he, looking at her and again 
 
lowering his eyes. “I will go in there, and this place 
 
is at your disposal.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p61">And taking down the little lamp, he lit a candle, 
 
and bowing low to her went into the small cell beyond the 
 
partition, and she heard him begin to move something 
 
about there. “Probably he is barricading himself in from 
 
me!” she thought with a smile, and throwing off her white 
 
dogskin cloak she tried to take off her cap, which had 
 
become entangled in her hair and in the woven kerchief 
 
she was wearing under it. She had not got at all wet 
 
when standing under the window, and had said so only as 
 
a pretext to get him to let her in. but she really had 
 
stepped into the puddle at the door, and her left foot 
 
was wet up to the ankle and her overshoe full of water.  
 
She sat down on his bed — a bench only covered by a bit 
 
of carpet — and began to take off her boots. The little 
 
cell seemed to her charming. The narrow little room, 
 
some seven feet by nine, was as clean as glass. There 
 
was nothing in it but the bench on which she was sitting, 
 
the book-shelf above it, and a lectern in the corner. A 
 
sheepskin coat and a cassock hung on nails by the door.  
 
Above the lectern was the little lamp and an icon of 
 
Christ in His crown of thorns. The room smelt strangely 
 
of perspiration and of earth. It all pleased her — even 
 
that smell. Her wet feet, especially one of them, were 
 
uncomfortable, and she quickly began to take off her 
 
boots and stockings without ceasing to smile, pleased not 
 
so much at having achieved her object as because she 
 
perceived that she had abashed that charming, strange, 
 
striking, and attractive man. “He did not respond, but 
 
what of that?” she said to herself.</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p62">“Father Sergius! Father Sergius! Or how does one 
 
call you?”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p63">“What do you want?” replied a quiet voice.</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p64">“Please forgive me for disturbing your solitude, but 
 
really I could not help it. I should simply have fallen 
 
ill. And I don’t know that I shan’t now. I am all wet 
 
and my feet are like ice.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p65">“Pardon me,” replied the quiet voice. “I cannot be 
 
of any assistance to you.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p66">“I would not have disturbed you if I could have 
 
helped it. I am only here till daybreak.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p67">He did not reply and she heard him muttering 
 
something, probably his prayers.</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p68">“You will not be coming in here?” she asked, 
 
smiling. “For I must undress to dry myself.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p69">He did not reply, but continued to read his prayers.</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p70">“Yes, that is a man!” thought she, getting her 
 
dripping boot off with difficulty. She tugged at it, but 
 
could not get it off. The absurdity of it struck her and 
 
she began to laugh almost inaudibly. But knowing that he 
 
would hear her laughter and would be moved by it just as 
 
she wished him to be, she laughed louder, and her 
 
laughter — gay, natural, and kindly — really acted on 
 
him just in the way she wished.</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p71">“Yes, I could love a man like that — such eyes and 
 
such a simple noble face, and passionate, too despite all 
 
the prayers he mutters!” thought she. “You can’t deceive 
 
a woman in these things. As soon as he put his face to 
 
the window and saw me, he understood and knew. The 
 
glimmer of it was in his eyes and remained there. He 
 
began to love and desired me. Yes — desired!” said she, 
 
getting her overshoe and her boot off at last and 
 
starting to take off her stockings. To remove those long 
 
stockings fastened with elastic it was necessary to raise 
 
her skirts. She felt embarrassed and said:</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p72">“Don’t come in!”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p73">But there was no reply from the other side of the 
 
wall. The steady muttering continued and also a sound of 
 
moving.</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p74">“He is prostrating himself to the ground, no doubt,” 
 
thought she. “But he won’t bow himself out of it. He is 
 
thinking of me just as I am thinking of him. He is 
 
thinking of these feet of mine with the same feeling that 
 
I have!” And she pulled off her wet stockings and put 
 
her feet up on the bench, pressing them under her. She 
 
say a while like that with her arms round her knees and 
 
looking pensively before her. “But it is a desert, here 
 
in this silence. No one would ever know . . . .”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p75">She rose, took her stockings over to the stove, and 
 
hung them on the damper. It was a queer damper, and she 
 
turned it about, and then, stepping lightly on her bare 
 
feet, returned to the bench and sat down there again with 
 
her feet up.</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p76">There was complete silence on the other side of the 
 
partition. She looked at the tiny watch that hung round 
 
her neck. It was two o’clock. “Our party should return 
 
about three!” She had not more than an hour before her.  
 
“Well, am I to sit like this all alone? What nonsense!  
 
I don’t want to. I will call him at once.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p77">“Father Sergius, Father Sergius! Sergey Dmitrich!  
 
Prince Kasatsky!”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p78">Beyond the partition all was silent.</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p79">“Listen! This is cruel. I would not call you if it 
 
were not necessary. I am ill. I don’t know what is the 
 
matter with me!” she exclaimed in a tone of suffering.  
 
“Oh! Oh!” she groaned, falling back on the bench. And 
 
strange to say she really felt that her strength was 
 
failing, that she was becoming faint, that everything in 
 
her ached, and that she was shivering with fever.</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p80">“Listen! Help me! I don’t know what is the matter 
 
with me. Oh! Oh!” She unfastened her dress, exposing 
 
her breast, and lifter her arms, bare to the elbow. “Oh!  
 
Oh!”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p81">All this time he stood on the other side of the 
 
partition and prayed. Having finished all the evening 
 
prayers, he now stood motionless, his eyes looking at the 
 
end of his nose, and mentally repeated with all his soul:  
 
“Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy upon me!”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p82">But he had heard everything. He had heard how the 
 
silk rustled when she took off her dress, how she stepped 
 
with bare feet on the floor, and had heard how she rubbed 
 
her feet with her hand. He felt his own weakness, and he 
 
might be lost at any moment. That was why he prayed 
 
unceasingly. He felt rather as the hero in the fairy-tale must have felt when he had to go on and on without 
 
looking round. So Sergius heard and felt that danger and 
 
destruction were there, hovering above and around him, 
 
and that he could only save himself by not looking in 
 
that direction for an instant. But suddenly the desire 
 
to look seized him. At the same instant she said:</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p83">“This is inhuman. I may die . . . .”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p84">“Yes, I will go to her, but like the Saint who laid 
 
one hand on the adulteress and thrust his other into the 
 
brazier. But there is no brazier here.” He looked 
 
round. The lamp! He put his finger over the flame and 
 
frowned, preparing himself to suffer. And for a rather 
 
long time, as it seemed to him, there was no sensation, 
 
but suddenly — he had not yet decided whether it was 
 
painful enough — he writhed all over, jerked his hand 
 
away, and waved it in the air. “No, I can’t stand that!”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p85">“For God’s sake come to me! I am dying! Oh!”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p86">“Well — shall I perish? No, no so!”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p87">“I will come to you directly,” he said, and having 
 
opened his door, he went without looking at her through 
 
the cell into the porch where he used to chop wood.  
 
There he felt for the block and for an axe which leant 
 
against the wall.</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p88">“Immediately!” he said, and taking up the axe with 
 
his right hand he laid the forefinger of his left hand on 
 
the block, swung the axe, and struck with it below the 
 
second joint. The finger flew off more lightly than a 
 
stick of similar thickness, and bounding up, turned over 
 
on the edge of the block and then fell to the floor.</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p89">He heard it fall before he felt any pain, but before 
 
he had time to be surprised he felt a burning pain and 
 
the warmth of flowing blood. He hastily wrapped the 
 
stump in the skirt of his cassock, and pressing it to his 
 
hip went back into the room, and standing in front of the 
 
woman, lowered his eyes and asked in a low voice: “What 
 
do you want?”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p90">She looked at his pale face and his quivering left 
 
cheek, and suddenly felt ashamed. She jumped up, seized 
 
her fur cloak, and throwing it round her shoulders, 
 
wrapped herself up in it.</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p91">“I was in pain . . . I have caught cold . . . I . . . Father 
 
Sergius . . . I . . . ”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p92">He let his eyes, shining with a quiet light of joy, 
 
rest upon her, and said:</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p93">“Dear sister, why did you wish to ruin your immortal 
 
soul? Temptations must come into the world, but woe to 
 
him by whom temptation comes. Pray that God may forgive 
 
us!”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p94">She listened and looked at him. Suddenly she heard 
 
the sound of something dripping. She looked down and saw 
 
that blood was flowing from his hand and down his 
 
cassock.</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p95">“What have you done to your hand?” She remembered 
 
the sound she had heard, and seizing the little lamp ran 
 
out into the porch. There on the floor she saw the 
 
bloody finger. She returned with her face paler than his 
 
and was about to speak to him, but he silently passed 
 
into the back cell and fastened the door.</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p96">“Forgive me!” “How can I atone for my sin?”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p97">“Go away.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p98">“Let me tie up your hand.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p99">“Go away from here.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p100">She dressed hurriedly and silently, and when ready 
 
sat waiting in her furs. The sledge-bells were heard 
 
outside.</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p101">“Father Sergius, forgive me!”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p102">“Go away. God will forgive.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p103">“Father Sergius! I will change my life. Do not 
 
forsake me!”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p104">“Go away.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p105">“forgive me — and give me your blessing!”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p106">“In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the 
 
Holy Ghost!” — she heard his voice from behind the 
 
partition. “Go!”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p107">She burst into sobs and left the cell. The lawyer 
 
came forward to meet her.</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p108">“Well, I see I have lost the bet. It can’t be 
 
helped. Where will you sit?”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p109">“It is all the same to me.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p110">She took a seat in the sledge, and did not utter a 
 
word all the way home.</p>

<p class="normal" id="iv-p111" />

<p class="normal" id="iv-p112">A year later she entered a convent as a novice, and 
 
lived a strict life under the direction of the hermit 
 
Arseny, who wrote letters to her at long intervals.</p>

</div1>

    <div1 title="Chapter IV" progress="52.93%" id="v" prev="iv" next="vi">
<h2 id="v-p0.1">IV</h2>

<p class="normal" id="v-p1">Father Sergius lived as a recluse for another seven 
 
years.</p>

<p class="normal" id="v-p2">At first he accepted much of what people brought him 
 
— tea, sugar, white bread, milk, clothing, and fire-wood. But as time went on he led a more and more austere 
 
life, refusing everything superfluous, and finally he 
 
accepted nothing but rye-bread once a week. Everything 
 
else that was brought him he gave to the poor who came to 
 
him. He spent his entire time in his cell, in prayer or 
 
in conversation with callers, who became more and more 
 
numerous as time went on. Only three times a year did he 
 
go out to church, and when necessary he went out to fetch 
 
water and wood.</p>

<p class="normal" id="v-p3">The episode with Makovkina had occurred after five 
 
hears of his hermit life. That occurrence soon became 
 
generally known — her nocturnal visit, the change she 
 
underwent, and her entry into a convent. From that time 
 
Father Sergius’s fame increased. More and more visitors 
 
came to see him, other monks settled down near his cell, 
 
and a church was erected there and also a hostelry. His 
 
fame, as usual exaggerating his feats, spread ever more 
 
and more widely. People began to come to him from a 
 
distance, and began bringing invalids to him whom they 
 
declared he cured.</p>

<p class="normal" id="v-p4">His first cure occurred in the eighth year of his 
 
life as a hermit. It was the healing of a fourteen-year-old boy, whose mother brought him to Father Sergius 
 
insisting that he should lay his hand on the child’s 
 
head. It had never occurred to Father Sergius that he 
 
could cure the sick. He would have regarded such a 
 
thought as a great sin of pride; but the mother who 
 
brought the boy implored him insistently, falling at his 
 
feet and saying: “Why do you, who heal others, refuse to 
 
help my son?” She besought him in christ’s name. When 
 
Father Sergius assured her that only God could heal the 
 
sick, she replied that she only wanted him to lay his 
 
hands on the boy and pray for him. Father Sergius 
 
refused and returned to his cell. But next day (it was 
 
in autumn and the nights were already cold) on going out 
 
for water he saw the same mother with her son, a pale boy 
 
of fourteen, and was met by the same petition.</p>

<p class="normal" id="v-p5">He remembered the parable of the unjust judge, and 
 
though he had previously felt sure that he ought to 
 
refuse, he now began to hesitate and having hesitated, 
 
took to prayer and prayed until a decision formed itself 
 
in his soul. This decision was, that he ought to accede 
 
to the woman’s request and that her faith might save her 
 
son. As for himself, he would in this case be but an 
 
insignificant instrument chosen by God.</p>

<p class="normal" id="v-p6">And going out to the mother he did what she asked — 
 
laid his hand on the boy’s head and prayed.</p>

<p class="normal" id="v-p7">The mother left with her son, and a month later the 
 
boy recovered, and the fame of the holy healing power of 
 
the ‘starets’ Sergius (as they now called him) spread 
 
throughout the whole district. After that, not a week 
 
passed without sick people coming, riding or on foot, to 
 
Father Sergius; and having acceded to one petition he 
 
could not refuse others, and he laid his hands on many 
 
and prayed. Many recovered, and his fame spread more and 
 
more.</p>

<p class="normal" id="v-p8">So seven years passed in the Monastery and thirteen 
 
in his hermit’s cell. He now had the appearance of an 
 
old man: his beard was long and grey, but his hair, 
 
though thin, was still black and curly.</p>

</div1>

    <div1 title="Chapter V" progress="56.31%" id="vi" prev="v" next="vii">

<h2 id="vi-p0.1">V</h2>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p1">For some weeks Father Sergius had been living with 
 
one persistent thought: whether he was right in 
 
accepting the position in which he had not so much placed 
 
himself as been placed by the Archimandrite and the 
 
Abbot. That position had begun after the recovery of the 
 
fourteen-year-old boy. From that time, with each month, 
 
week, and day that passed, Sergius felt his own inner 
 
life wasting away and being replaced by external life.  
 
It was as if he had been turned inside out.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p2">Sergius saw that he was a means of attracting 
 
visitors and contributions to the monastery, and that 
 
therefore the authorities arranged matters in such a way 
 
as to make as much use of him as possible. For instance, 
 
they rendered it impossible for him to do any manual 
 
work. He was supplied with everything he could want, and 
 
they only demanded of him that he should not refuse his 
 
blessing to those who came to seek it. For his 
 
convenience they appointed days when he would receive.  
 
They arranged a reception-room for men, and a place was 
 
railed in so that he should not pushed over by the crowds 
 
of women visitors, and so that he could conveniently 
 
bless those who came.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p3">They told him that people needed him, and that 
 
fulfilling Christ’s law of love he could not refuse their 
 
demand to see him, and that to avoid them would be cruel.  
 
He could not but agree with this, but the more he gave 
 
himself up to such a life the more he felt that what was 
 
internal became external, and that the fount of living 
 
water within him dried up, and that what he did now was 
 
done more and more for men and less and less for God.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p4">Whether he admonished people, or simply blessed 
 
them, or prayed for the sick, or advised people about 
 
their lives, or listened to expressions of gratitude from 
 
those he had helped by precepts, or alms, or healing (as 
 
they assured him) — he could not help being pleased at 
 
it, and could not be indifferent to the results of his 
 
activity and to the influence he exerted. He thought 
 
himself a shining light, and the more he felt this the 
 
more was he conscious of a weakening, a dying down of the 
 
divine light of truth that shone within him.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p5">“In how far is what I do for God and in how far is 
 
it for men?” That was the question that insistently 
 
tormented him and to which he was not so much unable to 
 
give himself an answer as unable to face the answer.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p6">In the depth of his soul he felt that the devil had 
 
substituted an activity for men in place of his former 
 
activity for God. He felt this because, just as it had 
 
formerly been hard for him to be torn from his solitude 
 
so now that solitude itself was hard for him. he was 
 
oppressed and wearied by visitors, but at the bottom of 
 
his heart he was glad of their presence and glad of the 
 
praise they heaped upon him.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p7">There was a time when he decided to go away and 
 
hide. He even planned all that was necessary for that 
 
purpose. He prepared for himself a peasant’s shirt, 
 
trousers, coat, and cap. He explained that he wanted 
 
these to give to those who asked. And he kept these 
 
clothes in his cell, planning how he would put them on, 
 
cut his hair short, and go away. First he would go some 
 
three hundred versts by train, then he would leave the 
 
train and walk from village to village. He asked an old 
 
man who had been a soldier how he tramped: what people 
 
gave him and what shelter they allowed him. the soldier 
 
told him where people were most charitable, and where 
 
they would take a wanderer in for the night, and Father 
 
Sergius intended to avail himself of this information.  
 
he even put on those clothes one night in his desire to 
 
go, but he could not decide was best — to remain or to 
 
escape. At first he was in doubt, but afterwards this 
 
indecision passed. He submitted to custom and yielded to 
 
the devil, and only the peasant garb reminded him of the 
 
thought and feeling he had had.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p8">Every day more and more people flocked to him and 
 
less and less time was left him for prayer and for 
 
renewing his spiritual strength. Sometimes in lucid 
 
moments he thought he was like a place where there had 
 
once been a spring. “There used to be a feeble spring of 
 
living water which flowed quietly from me and through me.  
 
That was true life, the time when she tempted me!” (He 
 
always thought with ecstasy of that night and of her who 
 
was now Mother Agnes.) She had tasted of that pure 
 
water, but since then there had not been time for it to 
 
collect before thirsty people came crowding in and 
 
pushing one another aside. and they had trampled 
 
everything down and nothing was left but mud.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p9">So he thought in rare moments of lucidity, but his 
 
usual state of mind was one of weariness and a tender 
 
pity for himself because of that weariness.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p10">It was in spring, on the eve of the mid-Pentecostal 
 
feast. Father Sergius was officiating at the vigil 
 
Service in his hermitage church, where the congregation 
 
was as large as the little church could hold — about 
 
twenty people. They were all well-to-do proprietors or 
 
merchants. Father Sergius admitted anyone, but a 
 
selection was made by the monk in attendance and by an 
 
assistant who was sent to the hermitage every day from 
 
the monastery. A crowd of some eighty people — pilgrims 
 
and peasants, and especially peasant-women — stood 
 
outside waiting for Father Sergius to come out and bless 
 
them. Meanwhile he conducted the service, but at the 
 
point at which he went out to the tomb of his 
 
predecessor, he staggered and would have fallen had he 
 
not been caught by a merchant standing behind him and by 
 
the monk acting as deacon.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p11">“What is the matter, Father Sergius? Dear man! O 
 
Lord!” exclaimed the women. “He is as white as a sheet!” 
 
But Father Sergius recovered immediately, and though 
 
very pale, he waved the merchant and the deacon aside and 
 
continued to chant the service.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p12">Father Seraphim, the deacon, the acolytes, and sofya 
 
Ivanovna, a lady who always lived near the hermitage and 
 
tended Father Sergius, begged him to bring the service to 
 
an end.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p13">“No, there’s nothing the matter,” said Father 
 
Sergius, slightly smiling from beneath his moustache and 
 
continuing the service. “Yes, that is the way the Saints 
 
behaved!” thought he.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p14">“A holy man — an angel of God!” he heard just then 
 
the voice of Sofya Ivanovna behind him, and also of the 
 
merchant who had supported him. He did not heed their 
 
entreaties, but went on with the service. Again crowding 
 
together they all made their way by the narrow passages 
 
back into the little church, and there, though 
 
abbreviating it slightly, Father Sergius completed 
 
vespers.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p15">Immediately after the service Father Sergius, having 
 
pronounced the benediction on those present, went over to 
 
the bench under the elm tree at the entrance to the cave.  
 
He wished to rest and breathe the fresh air — he felt in 
 
need of it. But as soon as he left the church the crowd 
 
of people rushed to him soliciting his blessing, his 
 
advice and his help. There were pilgrims who constantly 
 
tramped from one holy place to another and from one 
 
‘starets’ to another, and were always entranced by every 
 
shrine and every ‘starets’. Father Sergius knew this 
 
common, cold, conventional, and most irreligious type.  
 
There were pilgrims, for the most part discharged 
 
soldiers, unaccustomed to a settled life, poverty-stricken, and many of them drunken old men, who tramped 
 
from monastery to monastery merely to be fed. And there 
 
were rough peasants and peasant-women who had come with 
 
their selfish requirements, seeking cures or to have 
 
doubts about quite practical affairs solved for them: 
 
about marrying off a daughter, or hiring a shop, or 
 
buying a bit of land, or how to atone for having overlaid 
 
a child or having an illegitimate one.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p16">All this was an old story and not in the least 
 
interesting to him. He knew he would hear nothing new 
 
from these folk, that they would arouse no religious 
 
emotion in him; but he liked to see the crowd to which 
 
his blessing and advice was necessary and precious, so 
 
while that crowd oppressed him it also pleased him.  
 
Father Seraphim began to drive them away, saying that 
 
Father Sergius was tired. But Father Sergius, 
 
remembering the words of the Gospel: “Forbid them” 
 
(children) “not to come unto me,” and feeling tenderly 
 
towards himself at this recollection, said they should be 
 
allowed to approach.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p17">He rose, went to the railing beyond which the crowd 
 
had gathered, and began blessing them and answering their 
 
questions, but in a voice so weak that he was touched 
 
with pity for himself. Yet despite his wish to receive 
 
them all he could not do it. things again grew dark 
 
before his eyes, and he staggered and grasped the 
 
railings. He felt a rush of blood to his head and first 
 
went pale and then suddenly flushed.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p18">“I must leave the rest till tomorrow. I cannot do 
 
more today,” and, pronouncing a general benediction, he 
 
returned to the bench. The merchant again supported him, 
 
and leading him by the arm helped him to be seated.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p19">“Father!” came voices from the crowd. “Dear Father!  
 
Do no forsake us. Without you we are lost!”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p20">The merchant, having seated Father Sergius on the 
 
bench under the elm, took on himself police duties and 
 
drove the people off very resolutely. It is true that he 
 
spoke in a low voice so that Father Sergius might not 
 
hear him, but his words were incisive and angry.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p21">“Be off, be off! He has blessed you, and what more 
 
do you want? Get along with you, or I’ll wring your 
 
necks! Move on there! Get along, you old woman with 
 
your dirty leg-bands! Go, go! where are you shoving to?  
 
You’ve been told that it is finished. Tomorrow will be 
 
as god wills, but for today he has finished!”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p22">“Father! Only let my eyes have a glimpse of his dear 
 
face!” said an old woman.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p23">“I’ll glimpse you! Where are you shoving to?”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p24">Father Sergius noticed that the merchant seemed to 
 
be acting roughly, and in a feeble voice told the 
 
attendant that the people should not be driven away. He 
 
knew that they would be driven away all the same, and he 
 
much desired to be left alone and to rest, but he sent 
 
the attendant with that message to produce an impression.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p25">“All right, all right! I am not driving them away.  
 
I am only remonstrating with them,” replied the merchant.  
 
“You know they wouldn’t hesitate to drive a man to death.  
 
They have no pity, they only consider themselves . . . . 
 
You’ve been told you cannot see him. Go away!  
 
tomorrow!” And he got rid of them all.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p26">He took all these pains because he liked order and 
 
liked to domineer and drive the people away, but chiefly 
 
because he wanted to have Father Sergius to himself. He 
 
was a widower with an only daughter who was an invalid 
 
and unmarried, and whom he had brought fourteen hundred 
 
versts to Father Sergius to be healed. For two years 
 
past he had been taking her to different places to be 
 
cured: first to the university clinic in the chief town 
 
of the province, but that did no good; then to a peasant 
 
in the province of Samara, where she got a little better; 
 
then to a doctor in Moscow to whom he paid much money, 
 
but this did no good at all. Now he had been told that 
 
Father Sergius wrought cures, and had brought her to him.  
 
So when all the people had been driven away he approached 
 
Father Sergius, and suddenly falling on his knees loudly 
 
exclaimed:</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p27">“Holy Father! Bless my afflicted offspring that she 
 
may be healed of her malady. I venture to prostrate 
 
myself at your holy feet.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p28">And he placed one hand on the other, cup-wise. He 
 
said and did all this as if he were doing something 
 
clearly and firmly appointed by law and usage — as if 
 
one must and should ask for a daughter to be cured in 
 
just this way and no other. He did it with such 
 
conviction that it seemed even to Father Sergius that it 
 
should be said and done in just that way, but 
 
nevertheless he bade him rise and tell him what the 
 
trouble was. The merchant said that his daughter, a girl 
 
of twenty-two had fallen ill two years ago, after her 
 
mother’s sudden death. She had moaned (as he expressed 
 
it) and since then had not been herself. And now he had 
 
brought her fourteen hundred versts and she was waiting 
 
in the hostelry till Father Sergius should give orders to 
 
bring her. She did not go out during the day, being 
 
afraid of the light, and could only come after sunset.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p29">“Is she very weak?” asked Father Sergius.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p30">“No, she has no particular weakness. she is quite 
 
plump, and is only ‘neurasthenic’ the doctors say. If 
 
you will only let me bring her this evening, Father 
 
Sergius, I’ll fly like a spirit to fetch her. Holy 
 
Father! Revive a parent’s heart, restore his line, save 
 
his afflicted daughter by your prayers!” And the 
 
merchant again threw himself on his knees and bending 
 
sideways, with his head resting on his clenched fists, 
 
remained stock still. Father Sergius again told him to 
 
get up, and thinking how heavy his activities were and 
 
how he went through with them patiently notwithstanding, 
 
he sighed heavily and after a few seconds of silence, 
 
said:</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p31">“Well, bring her this evening. I will pray for her, 
 
but now I am tired . . . ” and he closed his eyes. “I will 
 
send for you.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p32">The merchant went away, stepping on tiptoe, which 
 
only made his boots creak the louder, and Father Sergius 
 
remained alone.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p33">His whole life was filled by Church services and by 
 
people who came to see him, but today had been a 
 
particularly difficult one. In the morning and important 
 
official had arrived and had had a long conversation with 
 
him; after that a lady had come with her son. this son 
 
was a sceptical young professor whom the mother, an 
 
ardent believer and devoted to Father Sergius, had 
 
brought that he might talk to him. The conversation had 
 
been very trying. The young man, evidently not wishing 
 
to have a controversy with a monk, had agreed with him in 
 
everything as with someone who was mentally inferior.  
 
Father Sergius saw that the young man did not believe but 
 
yet was satisfied, tranquil, and at ease, and the memory 
 
of that conversation now disquieted him.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p34">“Have something to eat, Father,” said the attendant.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p35">“All right, bring me something.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p36">The attendant went to a hut that had been arranged 
 
some ten paces from the cave, and Father Sergius remained 
 
alone.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p37">The time was long past when he had lived alone doing 
 
everything for himself and eating only rye bread, or 
 
rolls prepared for the Church. He had been advised long 
 
since that he had no right to neglect his health, and he 
 
was given wholesome, though Lenten, food. He ate 
 
sparingly, though much more than he had done, and often 
 
he ate with much pleasure, and not as formerly with 
 
aversion and a sense of guilt. So it was now. He had 
 
some gruel, drank a cup of tea, and ate half a white 
 
roll.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p38">The attendant went away, and Father Sergius remained 
 
alone under the elm tree.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p39">It was a wonderful May evening, when the birches, 
 
aspens, elms, wild cherries, and oaks, had just burst 
 
into foliage.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p40">The bush of wild cherries behind the elm tree was in 
 
full bloom and had not yet begun to shed its blossoms, 
 
and the nightingales — one quite near at hand and two or 
 
three others in the bushes down by the river — burst 
 
into full song after some preliminary twitters. From the 
 
river came the far-off songs of peasants returning, no 
 
doubt, from their work. The sun was setting behind the 
 
forest, its last rays glowing through the leaves. All 
 
that side was brilliant green, the other side with the 
 
elm tree was dark. The cockchafers flew clumsily about, 
 
falling to the ground when they collided with anything.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p41">After supper Father Sergius began to repeat a silent 
 
prayer: “O Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy 
 
upon us!” and then he read a psalm, and suddenly in the 
 
middle of the psalm a sparrow flew out from the bush, 
 
alighted on the ground, and hopped towards him chirping 
 
as it came, but then it took fright at something and flew 
 
away. He said a prayer which referred to his abandonment 
 
of the world, and hastened to finish it in order to send 
 
for the merchant with the sick daughter. She interested 
 
him in that she presented a distraction, and because both 
 
she and her father considered him a saint whose prayers 
 
were efficacious. Outwardly he disavowed that idea, but 
 
in the depths of his soul he considered it to be true.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p42">He was often amazed that this had happened, that he, 
 
Stepan Kasatsky, had come to be such an extraordinary 
 
saint and even a worker of miracles, but of the fact that 
 
he was such there could not be the least doubt. He could 
 
not fail to believe in the miracles he himself witnessed, 
 
beginning with the sick boy and ending with the old woman 
 
who had recovered her sight when he had prayed for her.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p43">Strange as it might be, it was so. Accordingly the 
 
merchant’s daughter interested him as a new individual 
 
who had faith in him, and also as a fresh opportunity to 
 
confirm his healing powers and enhance his fame. “They 
 
bring people a thousand versts and write about it in the 
 
papers. The Emperor knows of it, and they know of it in 
 
europe, in unbelieving Europe” — thought he. And 
 
suddenly he felt ashamed of his vanity and again began to 
 
pray. “Lord, King of Heaven, Comforter, Soul of Truth!  
 
Come and enter into me and cleanse me from all sin and 
 
save and bless my soul. Cleanse me from the sin of 
 
worldly vanity that troubles me!” he repeated, and he 
 
remembered how often he had prayed about this and how 
 
vain now his prayers had been in that respect. His 
 
prayers worked miracles for others, but in his own case 
 
God had not granted him liberation from this petty 
 
passion.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p44">He remembered his prayers at the commencement of his 
 
life at the hermitage, when he prayed for purity, 
 
humility, and love, and how it seemed to him then that 
 
God heard his prayers. He had retained his purity and 
 
had chopped off his finger. And he lifted the shrivelled 
 
stump of that finger to his lips and kissed it. It 
 
seemed to him now that he had been humble then when he 
 
had always seemed loathsome to himself on account of his 
 
sinfulness; and when he remembered the tender feelings 
 
with which he had then met an old man who was bringing a 
 
drunken soldier to him to ask alms; and how he had 
 
received *her*, it seemed to him that he had then 
 
possessed love also. But now? And he asked himself 
 
whether he loved anyone, whether he loved Sofya Ivanovna, 
 
or Father Seraphim, whether he had any feeling of love 
 
for all who had come to him that day — for that learned 
 
young man with whom he had had that instructive 
 
discussion in which he was concerned only to show off his 
 
own intelligence and that he had not lagged behind the 
 
times in knowledge. He wanted and needed their love, but 
 
felt none towards them. He now had neither love nor 
 
humility nor purity.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p45">He was pleased to know that the merchant’s daughter 
 
was twenty-two, and he wondered whether she was good-looking. When he inquired whether she was weak, he 
 
really wanted to know if she had feminine charm.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p46">“Can I have fallen so low?” he thought. “Lord, help 
 
me! Restore me, my Lord and God!” and he clasped his 
 
hands and began to pray.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p47">The nightingales burst into song, a cockchafer 
 
knocked against him and crept up the back of his neck.  
 
He brushed it off. “But does He exist? What if I am 
 
knocking at a door fastened from outside? The bar is on 
 
the door for all to see. Nature — the nightingales and 
 
the cockchafers — is that bar. Perhaps the young man 
 
was right.” And he began to pray aloud. He prayed for 
 
a long time till these thoughts vanished and he again 
 
felt calm and confident. He rang the bell and told the 
 
attendant to say that the merchant might bring his 
 
daughter to him now.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p48">The merchant came, leading his daughter by the arm.  
 
He led her into the cell and immediately left her.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p49">she was a very fair girl, plump and very short, with 
 
a pale, frightened, childish face and a much developed 
 
feminine figure. Father Sergius remained seated on the 
 
bench at the entrance and when she was passing and 
 
stopped beside him for his blessing he was aghast at 
 
himself for the way he looked at her figure. As she 
 
passed by him he was acutely conscious of her femininity, 
 
though he saw by her face that she was sensual and 
 
feeble-minded. He rose and went into the cell. She was 
 
sitting on a stool waiting for him, and when he entered 
 
she rose.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p50">“I want to go back to Papa,” she said.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p51">“Don’t be afraid,” he replied. “What are you 
 
suffering from?”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p52">“I am in pain all over,” she said, and suddenly her 
 
face lit up with a smile.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p53">“You will be well,” said he. “Pray!”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p54">“What is the use of praying? I have prayed and it 
 
does not good” — and she continued to smile. “I want 
 
you to pray for me and lay your hands on me. I saw you 
 
in a dream.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p55">“How did you see me?”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p56">“I saw you put your hands on my breast like that.”  
 
She took his hand and pressed it to her breast. “Just 
 
here.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p57">He yielded his right hand to her.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p58">“What is your name?” he asked, trembling all over 
 
and feeling that he was overcome and that his desire had 
 
already passed beyond control.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p59">“Marie. Why?”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p60">She took his hand and kissed it, and then put her 
 
arm round his waist and pressed him to herself.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p61">“What are you doing?” he said. “Marie, you are a 
 
devil!”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p62">“Oh, perhaps. What does it matter?”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p63">And embracing him she sat down with him on the bed.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p64">At dawn he went out into the porch.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p65">“Can this all have happened? Her father will come 
 
and she will tell him everything. She is a devil! What 
 
am I to do? Here is the axe with which I chopped off my 
 
finger.” He snatched up the axe and moved back towards 
 
the cell.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p66">The attendant came up.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p67">“Do you want some wood chopped? Let me have the 
 
axe.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p68">Sergius yielded up the axe and entered the cell.  
 
She was lying there asleep. He looked at her with 
 
horror, and passed on beyond the partition, where he took 
 
down the peasant clothes and put them on. Then he seized 
 
a pair of scissors, but off his long hair, and went out 
 
along the path down the hill to the river, where he had 
 
not been for more than three years.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p69">A road ran beside the river and he went along it and 
 
walked till noon. Then he went into a field of rye and 
 
lay down there. Towards evening he approached a village, 
 
but without entering it went towards the cliff that 
 
overhung the river. There he again lay down to rest.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p70">It was early morning, half an hour before sunrise.  
 
All was damp and gloomy and a cold early wind was blowing 
 
from the west. “Yes, I must end it all. There is no 
 
God. But how am I to end it? Throw myself into the 
 
river? I can swim and should not drown. Hang myself?  
 
Yes, just throw this sash over a branch.” This seemed so 
 
feasible and so easy that he felt horrified. As usual at 
 
moments of despair he felt the need of prayer. But there 
 
was no one to pray to. There was no God. He lay down 
 
resting on his arm, and suddenly such a longing for sleep 
 
overcame him that he could no longer support his head on 
 
his hand, but stretched out his arm, laid his head upon 
 
it, and fell asleep. But that sleep lasted only for a 
 
moment. He woke up immediately and began not to dream 
 
but to remember.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p71">He saw himself as a child in his mother’s home in 
 
the country. A carriage drives up, and out of it steps 
 
Uncle Nicholas Sergeevich, with his long, spade-shaped, 
 
black beard, and with him Pashenka, a thin little girl 
 
with large mild eyes and a timid pathetic face. And into 
 
their company of boys Pashenka is brought and they have 
 
to play with her, but it is dull. She is silly, and it 
 
ends by their making fun of her and forcing her to show 
 
how she can swim. She lies down on the floor and shows 
 
them, and they all laugh and make a fool of her. She 
 
sees this and blushes red in patches and becomes more 
 
pitiable than before, so pitiable that he feels ashamed 
 
and can never forget that crooked, kindly, submissive 
 
smile. And Sergius remembered having seen her since 
 
then. Long after, just before he became a monk, she had 
 
married a landowner who squandered all her fortune and 
 
was in the habit of beating her. She had had two 
 
children, a son and a daughter, but the son had died 
 
while still young. And Sergius remembered having seen 
 
her very wretched. Then again he had seen her in the 
 
monastery when she was a widow. She had been still the 
 
same, not exactly stupid, but insipid, insignificant, and 
 
pitiable. She had come with her daughter and her 
 
daughter’s fiance. They were already poor at that time 
 
and later on he had heard that she was living in a small 
 
provincial town and was very poor.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p72">“Why am I thinking about her?” he asked himself, but 
 
he could not cease doing so. “Where is she? How is she 
 
getting on? Is she still as unhappy as she was then when 
 
she had to show us how to swim on the floor? But why 
 
should I think about her? What am I doing? I must put 
 
an end to myself.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p73">And again he felt afraid, and again, to escape from 
 
that thought, he went on thinking about Pashenka.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p74">So he lay for a long time, thinking now of his 
 
unavoidable end and now of Pashenka. She presented 
 
herself to him as a means of salvation. At last he fell 
 
asleep, and in his sleep he saw an angel who came to him 
 
and said: “Go to Pashenka and learn from her what you 
 
have to do, what your sin is, and wherein lies your 
 
salvation.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vi-p75">He awoke, and having decided that this was a vision 
 
sent by God, he felt glad, and resolved to do what had 
 
been told him in the vision. He knew the town where she 
 
lived. It was some three hundred versts (two hundred 
 
miles) away, and he set out to walk there.</p>

</div1>

    <div1 title="Chapter VI" progress="82.21%" id="vii" prev="vi" next="toc">

<h2 id="vii-p0.1">VI</h2>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p1">Pashenka had already long ceased to be Pashenka and 
 
had become old, withered, wrinkled Praskovya Mikhaylovna, 
 
mother-in-law of that failure, the drunken official 
 
Mavrikyev. she was living in the country town where he 
 
had had his last appointment, and there she was 
 
supporting the family: her daughter, her ailing 
 
neurasthenic son-in-law, and her five grandchildren. she 
 
did this by giving music lessons to tradesmen’s 
 
daughters, giving four and sometimes five lessons a day 
 
of an hour each, and earning in this was some sixty 
 
rubles (ú6) a month. So they lived for the present, in 
 
expectation of another appointment. She had sent letters 
 
to all her relations and acquaintances asking them to 
 
obtain a post for her son-in-law, and among the rest she 
 
had written to Sergius, but that letter had not reached 
 
him.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p2">It was a Saturday, and Praskovya Mikhaylovna was 
 
herself mixing dough for currant bread such as the serf 
 
cook on her father’s estate used to make so well. She 
 
wished to give her grandchildren a treat on the Sunday.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p3">Masha, her daughter, was nursing her youngest child, 
 
the eldest boy and girl were at school, and her son-in-law was asleep, not having slept during the night.  
 
Praskovya Mikhaylovna had remained awake too for a great 
 
part of the night, trying to soften her daughter’s anger 
 
against her husband.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p4">She saw that it was impossible for her son-in-law, 
 
a weak creature, to be other than he was, and realized 
 
that his wife’s reproaches could do no good — so she 
 
used all her efforts to soften those reproaches and to 
 
avoid recrimination and anger. Unkindly relations 
 
between people caused her actual physical suffering. It 
 
was so clear to her that bitter feelings do not make 
 
anything better, but only make everything worse. She did 
 
not in fact think about this: she simply suffered at the 
 
sight of anger as she would from a bad smell, a harsh 
 
noise, or from blows on her body.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p5">She had — with a feeling of self-satisfaction — 
 
just taught Lukerya how to mix the dough, when her six-year-old grandson Misha, wearing an apron and with darned 
 
stockings on his crooked little legs, ran into the 
 
kitchen with a frightened face.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p6">“Grandma, a dreadful old man wants to see you.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p7">Lukerya looked out at the door.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p8">“There is a pilgrim of some kind, a man . . . ”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p9">Praskovya Mikhaylovna rubbed her thin elbows against 
 
one another, wiped her hands on her apron and went 
 
upstairs to get a five-kopek piece [about a penny] out of 
 
her purse for him, but remembering that she had nothing 
 
less than a ten-kopek piece she decided to give him some 
 
bread instead. She returned to the cupboard, but 
 
suddenly blushed at the thought of having grudged the 
 
ten-kopek piece, and telling Lukerya to cut a slice of 
 
bread, went upstairs again to fetch it. “It serves you 
 
right,” she said to herself. “You must now give twice 
 
over.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p10">She gave both the bread and the money to the 
 
pilgrim, and when doing so — far from being proud of her 
 
generosity — she excused herself for giving so little.  
 
The man had such an imposing appearance.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p11">Though he had tramped two hundred versts as a 
 
beggar, though he was tattered and had grown thin and 
 
weather-beaten, though he had cropped his long hair and 
 
was wearing a peasant’s cap and boots, and though he 
 
bowed very humbly, Sergius still had the impressive 
 
appearance that made him so attractive. But Praskovya 
 
Mikhaylovna did not recognize him. She could hardly do 
 
so, not having seen him for almost twenty years.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p12">“Don’t think ill of me, Father. Perhaps you want 
 
something to eat?”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p13">He took the bread and the money, and Praskovya 
 
Mikhaylovna was surprised that he did not go, but stood 
 
looking at her.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p14">“Pashenka, I have come to you! Take me in . . . ”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p15">His beautiful black eyes, shining with the tears 
 
that started in them, were fixed on her with imploring 
 
insistence. and under his greyish moustache his lips 
 
quivered piteously.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p16">Praskovya Mikhaylovna pressed her hands to her 
 
withered breast, opened her mouth, and stood petrified, 
 
staring at the pilgrim with dilated eyes.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p17">“It can’t be! Stepa! Sergey! Father Sergius!”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p18">“Yes it is I,” said Sergius in a low voice. “Only 
 
not Sergius, or Father Sergius, but a great sinner, 
 
Stepan Kasatsky — a great and lost sinner. Take me in 
 
and help me!”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p19">“It’s impossible! How have you so humbled yourself?  
 
But come in.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p20">She reached out her hand, but he did not take it and 
 
only followed her in.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p21">But where was she to take him? The lodging was a 
 
small one. Formerly she had had a tiny room, almost a 
 
closet, for herself, but later she had given it up to her 
 
daughter, and Masha was now sitting there rocking the 
 
baby.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p22">“Sit here for the present,” she said to Sergius, 
 
pointing to a bench in the kitchen.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p23">He sat down at once, and with an evidently 
 
accustomed movement slipped the straps of his wallet 
 
first off one shoulder and then off the other.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p24">“My God, my God! How you have humbled yourself, 
 
Father! such great fame, and now like this . . . ”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p25">Sergius did not reply, but only smiled meekly, 
 
placing his wallet under the bench on which he sat.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p26">“Masha, do you know who this is?” — and in a 
 
whisper Praskovya Mikhaylovna told her daughter who he 
 
was, and together they then carried the bed and the 
 
cradle out of the tiny room and cleared it for Sergius.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p27">Praskovya Mikhaylovna led him into it.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p28">“Here you can rest. Don’t take offence  . . .  but I 
 
must go out.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p29">“Where to?”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p30">“I have to go to a lesson. I am ashamed to tell 
 
you, but I teach music!”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p31">“Music? But that is good. Only just one thing, 
 
Praskovya Mikhaylovna, I have come to you with a definite 
 
object. When can I have a talk with you?”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p32">“I shall be very glad. Will this evening do?”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p33">“Yes. But one thing more. Don’t speak about me, or 
 
say who I am. I have revealed myself only to you. No 
 
one knows where I have gone to. It must be so.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p34">“Oh, but I have told my daughter.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p35">“Well, ask her not to mention it.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p36">And Sergius took off his boots, lay down, and at 
 
once fell asleep after a sleepless night and a walk of 
 
nearly thirty miles.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p37">When Praskovya Mikhaylovna returned, Sergius was 
 
sitting in the little room waiting for her. He did not 
 
come out for dinner, but had some soup and gruel which 
 
Lukerya brought him.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p38">“How is it that you have come back earlier than you 
 
said?” asked Sergius. “Can I speak to you now?”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p39">“How is it that I have the happiness to receive such 
 
a guest? I have missed one of my lessons. That can 
 
wait . . .  I had always been planning to go to see you. I 
 
wrote to you, and now this good fortune has come.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p40">“Pashenka, please listen to what I am going to tell 
 
you as to a confession made to God at my last hour.  
 
Pashenka, I am not a holy man, I am not even as good as 
 
a simple ordinary man; I am a loathsome, vile, and proud 
 
sinner who has gone astray, and who, if not worse than 
 
everyone else, is at least worse than most very bad 
 
people.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p41">Pashenka looked at him at first with staring eyes.  
 
But she believed what he said, and when she had quite 
 
grasped it she touched his hand, smiled pityingly, and 
 
said:</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p42">“Perhaps you exaggerate, Stiva?”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p43">“No, Pashenka. I am an adulterer, a murderer, a 
 
blasphemer, and a deceiver.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p44">“My God! How is that?” exclaimed Praskovya 
 
Mikhaylovna.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p45">“But I must go on living. And I, who thought I knew 
 
everything, who taught others how to live — I know 
 
nothing and ask you to teach me.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p46">“What are you saying, Stiva? You are laughing at 
 
me. Why do you always make fun of me?”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p47">“Well, if you think I am jesting you must have it as 
 
you please. but tell me all the same how you live, and 
 
how you have lived your life.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p48">“I? I have lived a very nasty, horrible life, and 
 
now God is punishing me as I deserve. I live so 
 
wretchedly, so wretchedly . . . ”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p49">“How was it with your marriage? How did you live 
 
with your husband?”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p50">“It was all bad. I married because I fell in love 
 
in the nastiest way. Papa did not approve. But I would 
 
not listen to anything and just got married. Then 
 
instead of helping my husband I tormented him by my 
 
jealousy, which I could not restrain.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p51">“I heard that he drank . . . ”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p52">“Yes, but I did not give him any peace. I always 
 
reproached him, though you know it is a disease! He 
 
could not refrain from it. I now remember how I tried to 
 
prevent his having it, and the frightful scenes we had!”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p53">And she looked at Kasatsky with beautiful eyes, 
 
suffering from the remembrance.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p54">Kasatsky remembered how he had been told that 
 
Pashenka’s husband used to beat her, and now, looking at 
 
her thin withered neck with prominent veins behind her 
 
ears, and her scanty coil of hair, half grey half auburn, 
 
he seemed to see just how it had occurred.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p55">“Then I was left with two children and no means at 
 
all.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p56">“But you had an estate!”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p57">“Oh, we sold that wild Vasya was still alive, and 
 
the money was all spent. We had to live, and like all 
 
our young ladies I did not know how to earn anything. I 
 
was particularly useless and helpless. So we spent all 
 
we had. I taught the children and improved my own 
 
education a little. And then Mitya fell ill when he was 
 
already in the fourth form, and God took him. Masha fell 
 
in love with Vanya, my son-in-law. And — well, he is 
 
well-meaning but unfortunate. He is ill.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p58">“Mamma!” — her daughter’s voice interrupted her —   
 
“Take Mitya! I can’t be in two places at once.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p59">Praskovya Mikhaylovna shuddered, but rose and went 
 
out of the room, stepping quickly in her patched shoes.  
 
She soon came back with a boy of two in her arms, who 
 
threw himself backwards and grabbed at her shawl with his 
 
little hands.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p60">“Where was I? Oh yes, he had a good appointment 
 
here, and his chief was a kind man too. But Vanya could 
 
not go on, and had to give up his position.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p61">“What is the matter with him?”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p62">“Neurasthenia — it is a dreadful complaint. We 
 
consulted a doctor, who told us he ought to go away, but 
 
we had no means . . . .I always hope it will pass of itself.  
 
He has no particular pain, but . . . ”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p63">“Lukerya!” cried and angry and feeble voice. “She 
 
is always sent away when I want her. Mamma . . . ”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p64">“I’m coming!” Praskovya Mikhaylovna again 
 
interrupted herself. “He has not had his dinner yet. He 
 
can’t eat with us.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p65">She went out and arranged something, and came back 
 
wiping her thin dark hands.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p66">“So that is how I live. I always complain and am 
 
always dissatisfied, but thank God the grandchildren are 
 
all nice and healthy, and we can still live. But why 
 
talk about me?”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p67">“But what do you live on?”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p68">“Well, I earn a little. How I used to dislike 
 
music, but how useful it is to me now!” Her small hand 
 
lay on the chest of drawers beside which she was sitting, 
 
and she drummed an exercise with her thin fingers.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p69">“How much do you get for a lesson?”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p70">“Sometimes a ruble, sometimes fifty kopeks, or 
 
sometimes thirty. They are all so kind to me.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p71">“And do your pupils get on well?” asked Kasatsky 
 
with a slight smile.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p72">Praskovya Mikhaylovna did not at first believe that 
 
he was asking seriously, and looked inquiringly into his 
 
eyes.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p73">“Some of them do. One of them is a splendid girl — 
 
the butcher’s daughter — such a good kind girl! If I 
 
were a clever woman I ought, of course, with the 
 
connexions Papa had, to be able to get an appointment for 
 
my son-in-law. But as it is I have not been able to do 
 
anything, and have brought them all to this — as you 
 
see.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p74">“Yes, yes,” Kasatsky, lowering his head. “And how 
 
is it, Pashenka — do you take part in Church life?”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p75">“Oh, don’t speak of it. I am so bad that way, and 
 
have neglected it so! I keep the fasts with the children 
 
and sometimes go to church, and then again sometimes I 
 
don’t go for months. I only send the children.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p76">“But why don’t you go yourself?”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p77">“To tell the truth” (she blushed) “I am ashamed, for 
 
my daughter’s sake and the children’s, to go there in 
 
tattered clothes, and I haven’t anything else. Besides, 
 
I am just lazy.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p78">“And do you pray at home?”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p79">“I do. But what sort of prayer is it? Only 
 
mechanical. I know it should not be like that, but I 
 
lack real religious feeling. The only thing is that I 
 
know how bad I am . . . .”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p80">“Yes, yes, that’s right!” said Kasatsky, as if 
 
approvingly.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p81">“I’m coming! I’m coming!” she replied to a call 
 
from her son-in-law, and tidying her scanty plait she 
 
left the room.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p82">But this time it was long before she returned. When 
 
she came back, Kasatsky was sitting in the same position, 
 
his elbows resting on his knees and his head bowed. But 
 
his wallet was strapped on his back.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p83">When she came in, carrying a small tin lamp without</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p84">a shade, he raised his fine weary eyes and sighed very</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p85">deeply.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p86">“I did not tell them who you are,” she began 
 
timidly. “I only said that you are a pilgrim, a 
 
nobleman, and that I used to know you. Come into the 
 
dining-room for tea.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p87">“No . . . .”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p88">“Well then, I’ll bring some to you here.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p89">“No, I don’t want anything. God bless you, 
 
Pashenka! I am going now. If you pity me, don’t tell 
 
anyone that you have seen me. For the love of God don’t 
 
tell anyone. Thank you. I would bow to your feet but I 
 
know it would make you feel awkward. Thank you, and 
 
forgive me for Christ’s sake!”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p90">“Give me your blessing.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p91">“God bless you! forgive me for Christ’s sake!”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p92">He rose, but she would not let him go until she had 
 
given him bread and butter and rusks. He took it all and 
 
went away.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p93">It was dark, and before he had passed the second 
 
house he was lost to sight. She only knew he was there 
 
because the dog at the priest’s house was barking.</p>


<p class="normal" id="vii-p94">“So that is what my dream meant! Pashenka is what 
 
I ought to have been but failed to be. I lived for men 
 
on the pretext of living for God, while she lives for God 
 
imagining that she lives for men. Yes, one good deed — 
 
a cup of water given without thought of reward — is 
 
worth more than any benefit I imagined I was bestowing on 
 
people. But after all was there not some share of 
 
sincere desire to serve God?” he asked himself, and the 
 
answer was: “Yes, there was, but it was all soiled and 
 
overgrown by desire for human praise. Yes, there is no 
 
God for the man who lives, as I did, for human praise.  
 
I will now seek Him!”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p95">And he walked from village to village as he had done 
 
on his way to Pashenka, meeting and parting from other 
 
pilgrims, men and women, and asking for bread and a 
 
night’s rest in Christ’s name. Occasionally some angry 
 
housewife scolded him, or a drunken peasant reviled him, 
 
but for the most part he was given food and drink and 
 
even something to take with him. His noble bearing 
 
disposed some people in his favour, while others on the 
 
contrary seemed pleased at the sight of a gentleman who 
 
had come to beggary.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p96">But his gentleness prevailed with everyone.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p97">Often, finding a copy of the Gospels in a hut he 
 
would read it aloud, and when they heard him the people 
 
were always touched and surprised, as at something new 
 
yet familiar.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p98">When he succeeded in helping people, either by 
 
advice, or by his knowledge of reading and writing, or by 
 
settling some quarrel, he did not wait to see their 
 
gratitude but went away directly afterwards. And little 
 
by little God began to reveal Himself within him.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p99">Once he was walking along with two old women and a 
 
soldier. They were stopped by a party consisting of a 
 
lady and gentleman in a gig and another lady and 
 
gentleman on horseback. The husband was on horseback 
 
with his daughter, while in the gig his wife was driving 
 
with a Frenchman, evidently a traveller.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p100">The party stopped to let the Frenchman see the 
 
pilgrims who, in accord with a popular Russian 
 
superstition, tramped about from place to place instead 
 
of working.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p101">They spoke French, thinking that the others would 
 
not understand them.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p102">“Demandez-leur,” said the Frenchman, “s’ils sont 
 
bien sur de ce que leur pelerinage est agreable a Dieu.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p103">The question was asked, and one old woman replied:</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p104">“As God takes it. Our feet have reached the holy 
 
places, but our hearts may not have done so.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p105">They asked the soldier. He said that he was alone 
 
in the world and had nowhere else to go.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p106">They asked Kasatsky who he was.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p107">“A servant of God.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p108">“Qu’est-ce qu’il dit? In ne repond pas.”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p109">“Il dit qu’il est un serviteur de Dieu. Cela doit 
 
etre un fils de pretre. Il a de la race. Avez-vous de 
 
la petite monnaie?”</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p110">The Frenchman found some small change and gave 
 
twenty kopeks to each of the pilgrims.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p111">“Mais dites-leur que ce n’est pas pour les cierges 
 
que je leur donne, mais pour qu’ils se regalent de the.  
 
Chay, chay pour vous, mon vieux!” he said with a smile.  
 
And he patter Kasatsky on the shoulder with his gloved 
 
hand.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p112">“May Christ bless you,” replied Kasatsky without 
 
replacing his cap and bowing his bald head.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p113">He rejoiced particularly at this meeting, because he 
 
had disregarded the opinion of men and had done the 
 
simplest, easiest thing — humbly accepted twenty kopeks 
 
and given them to his comrade, a blind beggar. The less 
 
importance he attached to the opinion of men the more did 
 
he feel the presence of God within him.</p>


<p class="normal" id="vii-p114">For eight months Kasatsky tramped on in this manner, 
 
and in the ninth month he was arrested for not having a 
 
passport. This happened at a night-refuge in a 
 
provincial town where he had passed the night with some 
 
pilgrims. He was taken to the police-station, and when 
 
asked who he was and where was his passport, he re;lied 
 
that he had no passport and that he was a servant of God.  
 
He was classed as a tramp, sentenced, and sent to live in 
 
Siberia.</p>

<p class="normal" id="vii-p115">In Siberia he has settled down as the hired man of 
 
a well-to-do peasant, in which capacity he works in the 
 
kitchen-garden, teaches children, and attends to the 
 
sick.</p>
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